Not long ago, a prospect was kind enough to share their thought process where they evaluated us against a competitor. One thing that stood out to me was an email chain where a consultant they employ positioned our competitor as a large, established enterprise and us as “a startup with a stupid rap video.”
The not-so-subtle subtext of the consultant’s email was that their client shouldn’t feel comfortable relying on a bunch of jokers like us. It’s a fair point. We are a (5 year old) startup. We have a rap video. Guilty as charged.
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Most people know that we build powerful business intelligence dashboards here at RJMetrics, but now that we’ve moved to Camden, we figured we ought to take advantage of the long weekend and make a rap video as well. (Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against us– Jake’s favorite rapper is Bo Burnham and I’m so tone deaf that I crashed the auto-tune plugin when we recorded this song.)
Anyway, in what may prove to be the dumbest PR move ever, we decided to augment our dope beats with some unsolicited free advice to tech startups. This was our chance to point out some of the most absurd startup behavior over the past few years. We should know–most of these lines are based on things we’ve done.
Lyrics are below the video. Enjoy!
Big thanks to Adamack from Open Minds Entertainment for the beat, John Keating for his help with the vocals, and my brother James Moore for the studio time and production.
And it’s only 9-to-5ers who surround your scene
Because Adultfriendfinder’s where you found your team
Tried to hire talent but you screwed it up, didn’tcha
‘Cause your wanted add said you were hirin’ninjas
Yeah we know we’re hypocrites for doin this song
And then promotin’ it by posting on the company blog
But a new day is dawnin’, the strong they can sense it Darwin is comin’ to the ‘net with a vengeance
If you’re sittin on a winner, yo, you wanna be strapped
So if you want to push it harder, best be trackin your stats
And I ain’t talkin’ bout your traffic, man I’m way past that
Wanna fatten up your stacks? Let’s chat…