When you’re trying to start a business and spread your name around, communication is key. As the administrative assistant, my duties include communicating with potential and established clients, through both email and phone. Emails come from interested parties looking for a time to meet and learn more. Phone calls come from telemarketers, insurance salesmen, television personalities and generally anyone with any motivation other than calling our company for business.

How, you might wonder, does one screen out the mundane, the irrelevant, the liars and the scammers and those who wish to waste your time and take your money?

I have a process. It’s (nearly) foolproof.

Step one: Identification
No matter who it is, always ask the caller to identify themselves, clearly. People who only give first names or are reluctant to say who they are can’t (and don’t) have a good reason to contact you.

(Example: This is **insert strange guttural coughing noise here.** )

Step two: Purpose

Perhaps the most important question, “what is your reason for calling” can usually weed out even the most confident and sneaky. Unacceptable answers we’ve gotten include (but are by no means limited to):

-Are you happy with your insurance provider?

-Would you like to donate money to the _____ fund for ________ on a monthly basis and receive a tote bag and/or commemorative plate?

-Do you do IT maintenance? I saw you in the yellow pages.

-I’m trying to reach Jack. No, wait, Jim. John. Definitely John. Mike.

Step three: Timeline

Is this your first time calling? This usually goes one of two ways, which can put the nail in the coffin in terms of identifying motive.

a) I am calling for the first time, or am returning the call of ______.

-or-

b) I call all the time. I speak with the boss. Just connect me with the man in charge.

Generally, if you don’t know the name of the man in charge, you haven’t spoken with him. Sometimes, callers will research their prey ahead of time… though not much can be said for the quality of that research. Hint: our company employs neither a Robert Stein, nor a Jake Moore.

Equal confusion comes from those who stop for “neither snow nor rain nor heat.” In the three short weeks since I was hired, we’ve gotten mail for no fewer than five other people who supposedly work in our office space. Bills, medical records, tax forms and credit card offers sit in a box I have newly labeled “return to sender,” awaiting the daily time when I can return them to the postman, who shakes his head in befuddlement and hands over the next piece of someone else’s mail.

When the stars align, and a call or email is truly filled with intent to learn about and perhaps try our product, I politely transfer and respond to their inquiry. I have no problem answering questions and helping callers with issues. I’m here to serve the client, someone who already has or soon might pay good money for our services. It’s just the sorting out and finding these people that causes our headaches. So, if you please, call us and see what our company and products are all about. But do me a favor, while you’re at it, and keep the commemorative plates to yourself.